You aren't missing much from 8-5 on the TV!

During my years workin for the man I really never got a chance to just veg out in front of the TV for hours like most Americans. This lead to some difficult social interactions when I had no idea what Lost was or who the hell was saving the cheerleader. I did own a Tivo thingy but even with that you can't keep up on the thousands of hours a week one needs to be in the know on all that is prime time.

But here's the deal...you aren't missing much!

I've had a bit of free time on my hands as of recent and while the Oregon spring can be gorgeous, it can also rain for days at a time! Thus allowing for a bit of research...

Observation:

I did nothing but sleep (not enough), eat (sometimes but never at lunch time), and work (way too much!) while all of my friends had more available free time to do what they wanted to do.

Hypothesis:
While working 12 hours a day 5 days a week (plus a little on the weekends) I missed out on a valuable social education provided by countless hours of television viewing which limited my social interactions and thus was detrimental to my social lifestyle.

Test:
For one week I will watch TV (hours between 9-11, 1-3, 6-9) and record what I watched for later comparison to social interactions. I will then engage 4 test subjects with various levels of employment in conversation about my observations/television knowledge and measure reaction to said knowledge.

Results:
While all 4 test subjects had some knowledge of programs mentioned in conversation, my depth of knowledge far out weighed all with an inverse relationship to employment.

Conclusion:
If you work all the time you don't get to watch a lot of TV. Which leads me to believe your personal social interaction exposure is also limited thus leading to less personal development and meaningful social interaction outside the work place.
Also,
90% of TV sucks! Mainly day time TV, stuff you workin folks really miss out on. What the crap is some of this stuff? The Cougar? seriously! Tough Love? Where do you find these people! For the Love of Ray J? Rock of Love bus? Wait...all these are VH1 shows. Who else was on a VH1 show I know....JOE! Joe Doyle! Maybe he can do something about all this crap! Seriously if it wasn't for CNN and Sports Center I would have gone crazy during this experiment!

So my hypothesis kinda worked out. I mean TV's not going to make you a social animal or anything but the time lost to working endless hours and shutting your self off to the outside world is indeed detrimental to ones social lifestyle.

Basically....don't work so much! But don't spend that time not working watching crappy TV on VH1!

Unless of course it involves Joe Doyle...then watch all you can!

Breaking News!

This just in!

Multiple Brands of Cereal Available at the

low, low price of $1.99

Now at your local Safeway!

Rice Crispy

Coco Rice Crispy

Apple Jacks

Golden Crips

and many many more....

Don't waste anytime!

Tell your boss they suck and run, run as fast as you can!

Just don't forget a bowl and some milk.

Best toy for the unemployed summer!

If you live anywhere close to an urban epicenter, and the mercury has risen to more than 60 degrees you have to get one of these!

It's a kickin' urban hipster scooter!

I have to admit, when my girlfriend came home one day, intent on chasing after a Craigslist posting for this used scooter...I was a bit skeptical (and by skeptical I mean I was completely baffled as to why the hell we needed a scooter when paying there are bills to pay). Even after the deal was done, I still questioned why she was spending more than a $1000.00 on a ride that couldn't move faster than 40 mph!

Thing is...when the sun comes out and you strap on that helmet, it all starts to make sense!

This scooter thing rocks!

A scooter is the one toy every unemployed person should have! So get out there and find one.(you may need to find a sugar mamma/papa to pony up the cash of course!) But once you've got one, it's hours of cheap entertainment. Craigslist is your best bet. Tons of suburban folks picked these things up when gas prices got nutty but soon realized you can't drive them on freeways or roads with speeds higher than 35 mph. You don't even need a motorcycle endorsement if it is less than 50cc's. It can only go about 40 mph tops so no need to worry about the body armor stuff bikers have to shell out the big bucks for. Best of all, you won't have to fill the thing up with gas all summer! The thing only costs like $5 to fill up and runs for over 100 mpg!

You can cruise around in the sunshine, pick up the paper and a latte in the morning, and find a new scooter bar to hang out at with your scooter gang friends!

Perhaps a potential employer will take note of your commitment to saving the environment, possibly giving you a leg up come interview time. Maybe one of your new scooter gang friends will be able to send a job lead your way? Perhaps you'll just become the leader of a kick ass scooter gang....it seems like a pretty time consuming position; planning rallies, making jackets, creating hand shakes and initiation rites, designing helmets, building 'business relationships', you know...important scooter gang stuff!

It worked for Obama

Three whole months of unemployment and still no job...not quite what I was expecting to be honest. It's not like I don't have some good experience, or anything to offer... I've got skills!

If you care to look check it out...

http://www.linkedin.com/in/drmorganstern

So I decided the time has come to start getting a bit more creative. Make myself larger than life! Perhaps an unemployed legend of sorts. I want my resume to hit someones desk and have them already know who I am. Maybe it's time for a Barney Stenson caliber video resume? Maybesome "Hire Deven Morganstern" shirts? A billboard with a live feed to my Twitter account? 30 minute infomercials of me showcasing my talents variety-show style? Sky writers and a Blimp? Man, I just don't know what I need to do!

The Masters...a tradition like no other.

...and you missed most of it!

Why?....work of course! f*@king work! For that, I'm sorry my friends. Just come clean, I know that you obsessively checked the leaderboard on ESPN.com all day, desperate for a glimpse of those sweet Georgia pines... It's unfortunate for you, and it's okay to be mad! Just let it out. But if you're going to cry, do it in front of a chick....she will think you are totally in touch with your feelings and make out with you (just don't tell her it's about golf).



Okay, so I'm not a big follower of golf. Like most folks I know who Tiger Woods and Phil Michelson are. I can recognize a few of the names on the leader board. I've drank an Arnold Palmer. I know about Hooters and 84 Lumber thanks to John Daly. I do know the most important part of the game is how hot the drink cart girl is! But seriously, if you have never been able to get out of the office and watch the Par 3 Match on the Wednesday before the Masters, you are missing out!



I really have never watched golf on TV...it might have been on while I was writing a paper in college or whatever else I did those 5 years in Eugene. But I have never actually sat in front of the TV and followed a full day of televised golf, let alone 5 whole days of it! Man...have I been missing out! The Masters is everything that is great about golf and the south! Sunny spring days, $1.50 Pimento Cheese sandwiches, beautiful landscape, a drink or two, and tradition in everything they do.



After witnessing the grandeur of this event I have added The Masters to the list of great Man-cations I and my best friends will take one day. Also included in this list: Oktoberfest in Germany, gambling in Monaco, golf at St. Andrews, hunting in Africa, tour of Egypt, sport fishing in Mexico, whatever in Dubai, debauchery in New Orleans, being a cowboy in Jackson Hole, the Super Bowl, Kentucky Derby, Preakness, and another weekend in Vegas with Rick... (by the way, if I haven't told you that story, we need to go out! I'll let you buy me a beer, and I will make you laugh!)



So next year....quit you job or at least take a day off and check out what the Masters has to offer, you won't be disappointed!

Need to make some extra scratch?

The unemployed guide to keeping the cash flowing.

Over the past three months on my unemployed journey I have had to find ways to keep the bacon coming home (god forbid I change my lifestyle or anything!). Now I've worked all the conventional angles. I went through the cashed out vacation, last months commission, got my tax return and spent it like a good American, sold off a few unneeded belongings, I even cut back on a few things! Stuff like the wine club, the real nice booze (I'm not drinking Mad Dog or anything, but I have made some sacrifices), once weekly spending spree on clothes, the twice daily Starbucks/Stumptown runs! You know, things I can get by without for a little while.

Even with all these cut backs, I still have a few things that absolutly should be paid for... like rent, you know, stuff like that. So what's a young unemployed lad with a bum shoulder from that stupid snowboarding trip supposed to do?

Well, I've come up with a few things that could help everyone out, job or no job. Now I haven't yet put all these ideas to test, but it's my theory that one could garner some extra cash by trying out a few here and there.

Pick up some sweet day labor gigs outside Home Depot or East Burnside-- Some argue that illegal immigrants are stealing jobs from hard working Americans. If that's the case, why are there no white guys out there with an unemployment rate checking in at over 12% or more? I for one, am not afraid to throw my hat in the ring and do some real work for a few bucks. I'd just rather not get my jeans dirty if at all possible. Best of all it's under the table kind of cash. It would probably help if you knew a little Spanish so you can spend the hours chatting up the other guys on the corner.

Medical lab test subject--So maybe you'll some have weird side effects, like your hair falling out or oily stools? You are just as likely to get the placebo than the real thing! Besides, they pay a ton of cash for you to be some doctors lab rat.

Donate blood--They tell you to donate so you feel like you are doing something good for humanity, but they still pay you! So go hang out in the blood bank for a while. You'll get free cookies, and you can feel good about saving someones life. Plus it will take much less beer to get drunk! Talk about a good day!

If we are talking about donating stuff...

Donate your 'seed' ;)--You're going to do it anyway, why not get some cash? And this goes for the ladies too...you can make way more for yours! Although I hear it really sucks...actually, I'm not sure if I'd recommend this for you ladies... but hey, it's an option!

Donate your roommates' belongings on Craigslist--For a nominal fee of course. They will totally understand when the TV and living room furniture are missing.

Participate in any "study" you can--Whatever it is, just make sure you are getting paid and you don't have to do anything terribly immoral...unless your into that. I got paid $50 just for looking at some corporate website and telling them that it was just "ok". It took 15 mins and I left with a check in my hand.

Need a male "model"?--Now if you are answering these querys on Craigslist, you might want to clarify exactly what they have in mind... again, unless you are into that stuff. Commercials and TV shows are always needing extras, and Portland is a pretty good place to find a gig like this. You don't always have to be chiseled out of stone to land something along these lines, just be open minded and yourself.

Ask friends if they could utilize your skills or vast amount of idle time--I am guessing some folks out there have specialized skills that they had been performing for some huge company and getting paid pennies on the dollar. Well, now is your chance to really get paid for what you can do! Maybe you design websites or can build a lush garden in the worst of conditions, people you know need these skills and until you offer them up, they are just paying someone else to do it! Now, for those like myself with no one real skill we do have something very valuable to our employed counterparts...free time! All the time in the world to be specific! Your friends don't have this, that makes it something to sell! Take their dogs out for a walk during the day, clean their house, cook dinner and leave it in the icebox for when they get home, whatever! All you have to do is get a bit creative and offer it up at a competitive rate, then sit back and watch the green flow into your pocket. It might even lead to a new full time business for you!

I will let you know if I try out anything else that results in some benjamins or at least a good laugh on my expense. If you've got any ideas please let us know! Also, if anyone wants me to make them dinner give me a call...but it will cost you...something!

One Long Staycation!

Today, with most folks cash flow looking like Death Valley in August, it's hard to find a way to entertain yourself without going broke! About this time every year I get a bit stir crazy and head off on some adventure just to get out of the moody Oregon weather. Normally it's a warm beach in Mexico, sunny sky's in Florida, or the desert heat and flashy lights of Vegas. This travel fever has only been compounded by the exorbitant amount of time I have now being unemployed. I am no longer confined to the weekend warrior trips or held back by whatever vacation I might be able to get my boss to let me use...I am free! But this still has it's limits. I may have tons of time but I do not have tons of cash. Nor do I have the team of hooligans to take an adventure with.

For the employed staycations are currently the trend. Those that haven't heard the term Wikipedia defines it as:

A staycation (or stay-cation, or stacation) is a neologism for a period of time in which an individual or family stays at home and relaxes at home or takes day trips from their home to area attractions. Staycations have achieved high popularity in current hard economic times in which unemployment levels and gas prices are high[1][2].
Common activities of a staycation include use of the backyard pool, visits to local parks and museums, and attendance at local festivals.

Pretty much, a staycation means you just don't go to work for awhile and you don't have to lie about someone dying to do it! You get to take a bit of a breather from the working world all while not smashing open the emergency beer fund. Maybe you head out and explore some new restaurants, hit up a matinee, random stuff you never get to do if you had to be at work.

Now if you stay close to home or even if you never leave the front door, being unemployed is nothing if not a lengthy vacation with limited resources. It's like one big staycation! So what to do with all this free time? How do you make your staycation last as long as your period of unemployment? Kick up your feet and unwind baby...You are on a staycation!

Here are a few cheap places around Portland to see and do for the cash strapped unemployed (or those just looking to keep a few green backs in the wallet).

Hit up a movie at the Laurelhurst Theater. It's cheap and you can kick back with a cold PBR.

http://www.laurelhursttheater.com/

Take a hike through Forest Park and check out the Portland Rose Garden. http://www.forestparkconservancy.org/

You can't miss the opportunity to devour a 13inch pancake...head over to the Stepping Stone! It will only cost you $3! http://www.steppingstonecafe.com/

Happy hour is a great way to save some cash and see all those new restaurants. Look them all up on http://www.urbandrinks.com/. They will even tell you what locations have happy hour specials right now! I recommend the Matador http://www.matadorrestaurants.com/ and some great nachos!

Stay in with a movie from the Red Box! Maybe even hang out with some "chicken" mcnuggets at the McDonald's on 19th and Burnside after picking your flick...that's a whole night of entertainment.

Spend a few hours wondering through the Pearl on First Thursday. http://www.firstthursdayportland.com/

Get some culture! With over 112,000 square feet you will have plenty to look at for the $15 admission into the Portland Art Museum. http://www.portlandartmuseum.org/

Grab a cup of joe over at Stumptown and spend hours lost in Powell's Bookstore!

http://www.stumptowncoffee.com/ http://www.powells.com/

Find a quick sugar fix from Voodoo Doughnuts. http://www.voodoodoughnut.com/

Throw a wine and cheese party! Chicks will think you are hip and sophisticated and your guests will leave you with enough leftover wine to keep going for a few weeks after!

Hangout on your front porch, have a few beers, and call your working friends to let them know how great of a day it is! They may not know how nice it is depending on the crappyness of their cubical (this will make your phone call even better!).

All of these suggestions are simply stuff I've done while filling in the hours of my day. It is always best to try and get an employed friend to take you out so they can pay. But if you can't get someone else to front the bill I hope these suggestions make your lengthy staycation a bit more fun!