When the money's gone...

Okay, some people saw ax coming. Some people even worked for a company nice enough to send them on their way with arm floaties and a blow-up alligator so they don't drown in the abyss of financial disaster!

I've had to get a bit more creative...

One good thing about being worked like a mule is that you have no chance to use up all that vacation time someone told you about during the interview all those years ago.

On the day I was canned, walking out the door with the cash value of that mystery vacation time, I knew I was screwed. Being relatively new to the working game I never thought I'd need much savings. I was working full-time and moving up the corporate ladder with break-neck speed! Why would I need to worry about having a back up plan? Well I get it now...a bit too late I've been told.

While walking out the door I quickly took inventory of the assets I had, and the amount I would need to live for a while. I am an idiot! All I could think of was that robot on Nick at Night with flailing arms saying "Danger, Danger, Does not compute!" Of course, in my best robot voice.

....In short: I was fucked

The first thing I did when released from my corporate prison was crack a bottle of nice bourbon (and later champagne, it was New Year's Eve) and celebrated my independence. Next, I totally freaked out about my finances and start applying for unemployment...that didn't work out so well. Alas, that is another topic.

Fortunately it was tax time! Luckily my tax refund paired with my pathetic savings and vacation pay will get me through a few months. But what next???

It would be an understatement to say I was more than freaking out! I was totally panicked! I needed cash to continue the unemployed lifestyle I was starting to really enjoy! So I considered some options: I could be a drug mule, but I'm done with being worked in a mule-like fashion. Perhaps I could pimp out some Ho's? But the cost benefit analysis of managing Ho's far outweight the potential cash flow benefits. Even getting a part-time gig bagging groceries wouldn't pay the bills. Then it hits me...

Thank you 401k!

I know it's not a good idea to wreck my future financial stability but I look at it this way.

Do I fuck the future Deven or the present Deven? At this moment I vote for fucking the future Deven, He'll understand...

So here are a few tips I've learned along the way:

• Most company 401k plans have tons of clauses and regulations, so call them fast and get the scoop.

For instance, I was forced to wait 60 days after I ended my employment to change my 401k plan. Finally, once you this done, it can still take weeks to get everything finalized and get cash into your pocket. Here's some tips:

• Don't just cash out your 401k. Do a Rollover or Direct Rollover to a Traditional IRA to keep your tax umbrella.
• In a horrifying market like the one we are currently experiencing, think about an IRA savings account, instead of mutual funds or CD's. This will protect the savings you currently have left without loosing any of the principal. Just be sure to throw your money back into the market as soon as you can, buy low and sell high my friend.
• Move your cash somewhere close, convenient and easy to get.
• You've got 60 days to repay any withdrawl before being liable for the taxes. So replace what you took if you can.
• Only take out what you need.
• Learn all the ways you can withdrawl from an IRA without taking the tax hit...big ones? Paying for education! Paying for medical expenses while unemployed, first time home purchase and disability.
• Ask questions!

Go to your credit union or bank, call the company that manages your 401k or IRA, find a friend that works in accounting and pick their brain. Not only will you get some sound advice, but it will make you feel better knowing what your options are.

Now really, I don't have all the answers...seriously, if you've read any of my blog postings thus far you already understand this. I have a degree in Anthropology and Political Science which I have been using to push rental cars for the past 5 years....Finance is not my thing! These bits of advice are simply what I have learned along the path of unemployment.

If you have any suggestions that can help us young unemployed folks out please, toss them up...we can all use a bit of help!

**Need some financial advise and not sure who to go to? My advisor is Genevieve over at Advantis credit union. Give her a call at 503-785-2528 or 800-547-5532**